Oh, what a beauty I’d be!Īndrews’ heroines, even and especially those created by her ghostwriter, Andrew Neiderman, are always exquisitely beautiful women, trapped in ugly circumstances. And I’d carry a fan to elegantly cool myself, and my eyelids would flutter and bewitch. In my opinion, olden-day people really knew how to dress! How I would love to flounce around in a frilly chemise over pantaloons, with dozens of fancy petticoats over the wire hoops, all bedecked in ruffles, lace, embroidery, with flowing ribbons of velvet or satin, and my shoes would be of satin and over all this bedazzling finery would be a lacy parasol to shade my golden curls, and keep the sun from my fair, unwrinkled complexion. Her descriptions are frequently just creepy enough to foreshadow the rafter-rattling events to come, which gives them some literary value, but my eyes glazed over while reading several passages not too different from this one: Andrews, it seems, really liked describing things. Reading this book as a grown-ass adult, I found myself saying just that, “Let’s get to the good stuff” (heh.) frequently while reading the first half of the novel. Today, we’re covering Part One, and we’ll discuss the rest of the book next week. But enough housekeeping, let’s get to the good stuff. Get your powdered doughnuts ready, readers, we’re going to have an afternoon/evening of spontaneous drinking games and reaction. And some blond dude who was never heard from again.Ĭonveniently, we’ll be live-blogging both the 1987 flick, and the new Lifetime movie (which is rumored to be much more true to the book) on Saturday. “Mommy, what does Devil’s spawn mean?”Ī few summers later, the book was made into a movie with the same name, starring Kristy “Buffy 1.0” Swanson and Louise “Kai Ratched” Fletcher.
Andrews novel with the siren phrase “If you liked Wifey, this will blow your mind.” Sold. (Ralph was an American hero.) My friend who tended to know about these things far earlier than I did passed on the V.C. Note: this post talks about about physical abuse and incest within the context of the novel.įlowers in the Attic entered my life during my early teenage years, close on the heels other Gen X treasures about penises, Judy Blume’s Wifey and Forever.
Never lock your conceived-in-incest, teenage children in an attic. Andrews’ frequently dog-eared, salacious classic, Flowers in the Attic, is clear.
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